Tuesday, October 29, 2013

"Aren't Models Supposed to Look Depressed...Like, I Can't Remember the Last Time I Ate Something."

I waited all day for a phone call from my new job to say that the background check was complete and I can finally work. I got dressed, JUST IN CASE, that phone call decided to show the hell up. Then, I heard it. That annoying iPhone ring. I leaped across the bed, whipped the bedroom door open, and reached my phone. To my demise, it was just the alarm I set earlier this morning, with the SAME annoying ring it sounds when someone is calling me. I got dressed anyway. I figured I'd wear something comfortable, non-sewer rat like and not necessarily "professional", but acceptable to show up to work in case the call came. It didn't. It still hasn't. Please call. I am bored. 

Circus freak.

Instead of doing something inspirational with my life, I told Geoff that it was essential that we journeyed our way to the Dollar Tree to pick up some essential items for my new office that, let me remind you, has a window and a door. What essential items could the Dollar Tree possibly have in store? 

Plastic dinosaurs. 

I will be decorating my office desk with a dinosaur theme. It is okay if you feel sorry for yourself for not thinking about this on your own, not everyone can be as cool as me. It has taken me years of practice. Just keep working on it. One day you'll be cool. Actually, it is unlikely. But, it is better to die trying, right? No, that is probably horrible advice, as well. In fact, it is not advice at all. I do not offer advice. That is a liability and I WILL NOT be liable for your failures. It was a suggestion. Not advice.

So, I got to wear this "fally", "stripey", "black and whitey", outfit. Indeed, I am wearing the same belt that I wore for the interview with the director of the Confucius Institute which was stolen, like a convict, from my fiance's Naval Academy uniform. It works well (at last I think it looks good, I do not care what you think) because it shows off my itty-bitty-I-am-still-in-my-early-twenties-waist-ha-ha-nanner-nanner AND it goes with my adorable cheapo witchy pointy shoes with gold and silver embellishment on them. I purchased them at Ross last week. Fifteen bucks. Oh yeah. 

If you are curious about the title, it will be explained as you read further. If not, get the hell off my blog. Kidding. Actually, I am not. I have to say, if people who do not know me are reading this blog they are probably concerned that I even started a blog and that I communicate with viewers in this manner. Don't care. The humans are too sensitive these days. 

Is there anyone around that does not cry when I use the "C" word?

Just thinking about how cool my shoes are and how jealous everyone will be when they see me wearing them and realize they will never have them because I wear Baby Gap shoe sizes. Run-on sentences. Who can live without them? Also, I am trying not to cry because my hair looks like a squirrel resort was built atop my head.

These next few pictures are the reason why this blog post is titled, "Aren't Models Supposed to Look Depressed...Like, I Can't Remember the Last Time I Ate Something."

I went with the sad look for this picture. Then, I asked the photographer to show me the photo. I looked at it and said, "Eeew. Gross. I look so sad." The photographer says, "Aren't models supposed to look depressed...like, I can't remember the last time I ate something." My response: "I don't care what models are supposed to look like."

This next photo is me struggling to contain my laughter after Geoff made the completely inappropriate, yet highly likely comment pertaining to anorexics in the fashion industry.

Finally, a photo that looks presentable...

Farewell, Sweatpants. I want you out of my life! Forever. Actually only until I come home from work, if I ever get in the office.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

How To Look Casual Without Looking Like a Sewer Rat

When you stick with Sewer Rat style for years at a time, it can be difficult to change to a more presentable style. I have purchased more clothes than can actually fit in my closet that I share with a naval officer who has more uniforms than I can count, crowding my space.

It was Sunday and I had no place to be, so of course I was sporting my favorite, seasoned style: Sewer Rat Style. As can be viewed directly below. Please contain your envy regarding my Thumper look-alike pajama pants. But, be jealous that I am wearing the same shirt my fiance wore on our first date almost 7 1/2 years ago. It is adorable.

Sewer Rat style, in many instances, is a very versatile look. It can be worn to bed (as it typically is) and worn throughout the house. On rare occasions, this look is even worn in public. In those sad instances, my sisters usually make sure every stranger around us knows that they are not related to me. Although, when your little sister asks you to drop her off at class at an ungodly hour, I have no sympathy and will drop her off on campus looking like this.

Since I had nowhere important to be today, I told Geoff that he needed to make plans. Those plans were to go to our first movie in Pensacola, Florida. That movie was Gravity. Now, I will not go into the review of the movie because, frankly, I am not qualified to do so and I am also far too lazy. All you need to know is that it is decent and certainly worth watching in 3D.

Geoff has been officially hired (free of charge, until I get paid, actually never) to take photos of the outfits-you-wish-you-had. I am new to this "fashion" blog situation and Geoff is new to this photography situation, so your judgement of the photographs are unwanted and worthless. I am such a doll. Sweetest person I know.

So, here was my outfit for our little "date"/I just need somewhere to go so I can practice my new fashion, casual or otherwise. Let's hope I start work tomorrow, so I do not have to force Geoff into going places just so I can "practice" looking casually presentable. Keep in mind, two months ago, going to the movies meant jeans and wearing one of the few t-shirts I have that does not have an arm-pit stain from sweating. Hey, you can't get a body like this without sweating. I said it.

Doesn't get any more flattering than this.

Where did I get these adorable items:
Moccasins: Target
Thumper Look-Alike Pajama Pants: Gift from mommy
Jeans: Target
Shirt: Target ($2.79, um yeah.)
Tank Tops: who the hell knows, they're old
Necklace: Florence, Italy (crypt keeper old)
Bag: The Midshipman Store at USNA
Ring: From Beebo (my sister)
Engagement Ring: Geoff. Duh. 

Farewell, Sweatpants.

Meeting With the Director

Here I am, sitting on my beautiful baby (Nissan Xterra), sporting my completely necessary, bright orange, shades I found at the Seafood Festival in my awesome new home in Pensacola, Florida.

Here is Geoff, looking put-together, as usual. I love my pilot. 

Where did I get everything:
Black Blazer (JC Penny)
Black Slacks (TJ Maxx)
Green Tank Blouse Thingy (JC Penny: $20, I believe)
Pointy Black Witch Shoes (TJ Maxx)
Belt (Thank you Naval Academy. A "gift" that I stole from Geoffrey)
Necklace (I have no idea where I got it)

Farewell, Sweatpants. 

Interview Suit

On October 22nd, I had an interview with the University of West Florida. The hiring manager had contacted me about two weeks prior and almost immediately after the phone call informing me that I was afforded an interview, Geoff took me shopping for a suit that would get me the job. Little did I know, the job was mine after the interview!

The interview consisted of four panel members. Yikes. I almost had a heart attack when I walked in. Clearly, I was a trooper and told my heart attack to come back at a more convenient time. I walked around the abnormally long table and shook the hands of each and every panel member. Awkward, but impressionable. The questions that were asked were very general.

"Why do you think teamwork is important in an office setting? Give an example of how you have used teamwork."

"What is your organizational style? Give an example of a time you implemented organization in your last job."

Blah, blah, blah. Very generic. Luckily, my wonderful fiance was my mock interviewer the night prior and we practiced answering questions similar to those asked in the interview.

When I left the interview I walked briskly to Geoff in my uncomfortable, professional, and pointy witch shoes and said, "I nailed it!". Obviously, I did not know if the job was mine yet, but I sure felt good about it.

Here is the suit I wore for the interview:

This is obviously a very boring outfit. In fact, it is not to be considered an outfit at all. It is an INTERVIEW SUIT. The only interesting part about this suit is the light, lacey tank top I am wearing underneath the black blazer. Actually, I take that back, my necklace was baller (it is not pictured here). I totally got the job because of the necklace. I have no doubt about that. My first impression, qualifications, and experience had nothing to do with it.

Where did I get everything and how disgustingly expensive was it:
Black blazer (JC Penny/$50, *cough*)
Black Slacks (TJ Maxx/$30)
Lace Shirt (TJ Maxx/$10)
Pointy Witch Shoes (TJ Maxx/$50, *cough*)
Necklace (I do not remember where I got it or how much it was. It is an old gem.)

I splurged on this outfit. Well, Geoff splurged on this outfit (thanks, honey). Normally, I would not spend so much money on such a boring outfit. However, I wanted the job and I did a significant amount of research on what I should wear to make an impression that would get me hired. This suit fit the bill. Also, in what professional world would I not need a black suit? Exactly. Money well spent.

Farewell, Sweatpants.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Who the Hell Are You and Why the Hell Are You Writing a Blog About Saying Farewell to Sweatpants?

My name is Luisa. I am ALMOST 5 feet tall (4'11 and 3/4, to be exact). Sweatpants have been my go-to fashion statement for over four years. My seasoned and exceptional sweatpants fashion statement has continued as a result of continuous athletic training, enrollment in college, and laziness. Why look cute when you know you are going to look like a sewer rat at the end of the day? Don't answer that. It is a ridiculous justification.

In recent days, I have been offered a position at the University of West Florida/Confucius Institute, to which professional attire is an obvious expectation. This blog will serve as a "NOW YOU KNOW", for those who were unaware that I knew how to dress myself. A "IT IS ABOUT TIME", for those who are aware that I know how to dress myself. As well as an, "IN YOUR FACE", for those who did not believe that I could actually dress myself in anything other than cotton and fleece sweatpants and over-sized hoodies.

I have an unattractive tendency to start projects and not finish them. With that said, this media outlet may start and finish after blog post #1. Given the fact that I am purchasing an entirely new wardrobe with money I have not yet earned, perhaps "finishing projects that you start" is for sale at a retail store near me?

In general, this is a gross (yes, gross... like "Eeeew! Gross!" not the other term in reference to large sums or "gross" earnings) FASHION blog where I will flatter myself by taking photos of my better-than-yours outfits. Other fashion blogs fail to mention this, but I will spend hours upon hours making sure I capture the perfect poses that are most flattering to my dwarfish, athletic build.

This blog is egotistical, self-absorbed, and pompous. I hate the word fashion. I am NOT a fashionista. Gross. And I won't be caught dead watching Project Runway. I am more interested in finding articles of clothing that actually make me look like a human being that has goals and places to be, important people to meet, rather than the alternative that I have maintained in the recent past of "sewer rat" style. Sewer rat style consists of over-sized sweats that most likely have cherry turnover stains and rips, as well as over-worn moccasins that are meant to be worn indoors in the comfort of my own home and not in public.

I am now a professional woman (despite my "Fisher Price" childish stature), required to wear professional clothes. I will flatter myself and assume that everyone on Facebook and the rest of the worldwide web will be viewing my better-than-yours "fashion" blog and thinking, "what a genius fashion pairing", "where does she get her clothes". The answer to the second question: Ross, TJ Maxx, Target, AND GOODWILL. However, Goodwill clothes are washed four times with three times the normal amount of laundry detergent. You never know, a Goodwill store might allow a donation of pooped up pants that they refuse to wash and present on the rack for purchase anyway. I also hate germs, where poop is concerned or your hot little hands touched something that I will be touching next.

Hopefully I effectively answered the question of, "who the hell are you" and "why the hell are you writing a blog about saying farewell to sweatpants".

Farewell, Sweatpants.